Dear Nina, An aunt that was like a second mother to me, got in a car accident and passed away a few months ago. She was healthy and always involved in all sorts of charity and fundraising, an all around sunshine. Her death was so sudden and heartbreaking. I feel that I should be over it by now, but I can’t help but think about her often. With senior year coming to a close, I really need to focus on school and get all my credits in but it’s difficult with my aunt constantly in my thoughts. Any advice?

Dear Reader, I’m sorry about your aunt. I know how perplexing grieving is especially with someone as close to you as she was and so suddenly. There is no “grieving period.” You just grieve until you don’t need to anymore. As you said, it’s extremely difficult to focus on school while you’re thinking about your aunt. Given that you’re in your senior year, completing your credits and doing well in all of your classes is extremely important. Be sure to reach out to your  teachers to explain the situation and ask them for all the tools you’ll need in order to keep up with school work. Self care is fundamental to getting things done, without it you may never be able to focus on the things in the present. You should schedule some time to spend doing things that make you happy.  Spending time around other family members to talk about her and to grieve together could help. There are also resources available at school like our Family Therapist, Vanessa Isidron. It’s exactly her job to help students stay on track with school as they deal with personal issues. She can be found in the 300 building, in room 110 from 8:00am-3:30pm or you can contact her via email at [email protected].

Dear Nina, For a few months I’ve been noticing the girls in my friend group have been acting differently towards me. I wouldn’t feel it so personally if it were a change from all of us towards each other, but it’s them towards me. For example, they’ve made plans without me and lied about it. I understand we don’t always have to all hang out together, and sometimes they might not want me there, just as I might not want one of them there. I’ve tried bringing it up many times, but they ignore me or tell me I’m “being dramatic.” I think it’s about time to take a hint and start hanging out with other friends. Is leaving my friend group the right thing to do? 

Dear Reader, It’s very painful when your closest friends push you to the sidelines. Sometimes bringing things up to the whole group could backfire, because you don’t have their undivided attention and they might all get defensive. Can you talk to the girl whom you’re closest with in the group and ask if there’s anything going on? When you talk to her, if she brings up something you said or did that they didn’t like, it might give you ideas for changes to be made within the friendships. If she doesn’t mention anything, then I think you’ve given yourself the best advice – leave the friend group. If they are your true friends, you should be able to count on them to stomp out all of your confusion regarding why they are excluding you. It’s a very common situation in friend groups, especially in high school. I know it sucks now because they are the people you’re closest to. But, in time you’ll come across new friends that have similar interests and may be more pleasant.