Ask Nina

Ask Nina

Sabreyca Mullings, Contributor

“Dear Nina, How do I get over a guy that was nice to me and now treats me badly?”

Dear Reader, I am glad you asked this question. This is such a common situation which so many teens experience. These are the years where you are discovering who you want to be and who you want to be with. Some people meet in high school and stay together forever, but most don’t. Finding the right relationship is a series of trials and errors. That being said, I wish you had given examples of how he treats you. Sometimes, teens don’t know how to end a relationship they don’t want to be in. It’s hard to tell someone you want to break up to their face. It’s easier to treat them badly and have them get upset and end it themselves. That could be the case here. Just a relationship that has run its course, or it could be how this guy treats women. Maybe he had a bad role model, maybe he’s just immature, or both. Whatever the case, if you don’t like the way he treats you, tell him. You don’t have to be confrontational or yell. When he treats you badly, just say, “Hey, I don’t like it when you do x. It makes me feel like…” His reaction, good or bad, will give you the information you need to decide whether to stay or not. One more point: if he is in any way physically abusive or keeps you isolated, get away. Talk to your parent, teacher, or another adult you trust if you think you are in an abusive relationship. Most teens are too young to recognize this at first. 


“Dear Nina, I have known my friend group since the sixth grade. We have done everything together since then. They have been my only friends for so long and have always helped and supported me in everything I do. But when we got to high school, they suddenly began doing things that I don’t like or condone, for example, going out to house parties and skipping class or school. They tell me it’s a part of growing up and I should try it, but I can’t bring myself to do these things. Recently, one of these things was vaping nicotine. They have tried to make me do it several times at school, home, or while shopping. I refused to do it, and they seemed to have understood me. But now they are becoming more persistent, and I don’t know what to do anymore. They keep telling me I need to grow up, stop being a baby, and just try it. So how do I resist peer pressure from my friends when they ask me to vape?”

Dear Reader, I am sorry you are going through this, and I hope you are feeling well. I know it’s hard to resist doing things you feel are wrong when the people around you whose opinions you care most about are the ones putting pressure on you. It’s perfectly normal to grow apart from friends or end friendships because they make you uncomfortable or are going down a path you don’t want to take. From what I have read, your friends do not seem to respect your boundaries or have your best interests at heart. They don’t seem to care for your well-being, or theirs for that matter, because what they are doing is not only illegal and can get them in trouble at school, but it’s also bad for their health. You need people who share your interests and want the best for you. Although you may be afraid to make new friends, it will be worth a try because, in the long run, those friends you have now may do you more harm than good. 


“Dear Nina, I’m in the best relationship ever. We have great communication, go out of our way to make each other happy, are loyal to each other, and love each other unconditionally. But somehow, I always manage to cause problems in my relationship; I self-sabotage it with my overthinking by assuming the worst scenarios. For example, when she’s texting a boy, I assume she’s texting him the same way she texts me. How can I stop, and how can I just learn to trust my partner fully even though she’s done nothing to break my trust? We have been together for about a year and two months, and I really want this relationship to last. I see this girl in my future, and I honestly love her. I don’t want to lose her because of my mistakes. So what are some ways I could start making my relationship all the more healthier?”

Dear Reader, I am happy to hear you love and respect your girlfriend, but I think this relationship lacks communication. Do not get me wrong, you guys seem to love each other very much, but I think you guys need to talk about your trust issues on a deeper level. You seem to need a lot of assurance from your significant other, and I think you need to communicate that with her. Whatever this problem may have stemmed from, it was not her fault, and talking about it may give her a better understanding of why you feel a certain way instead of her thinking you don’t trust her. This may even strengthen your relationship. Because, from what I am reading, your lack of communication is sabotaging your relationship. You also need to learn to trust others. Will people you trust ever let you down? Absolutely, nobody is perfect. But, you can’t smother your significant other either. Know that you are a good guy even if this relationship doesn’t work out. If you work on yourself, increase your self-confidence and communication skills there will be other partners who will be more than welcome to love and respect you.